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Sunday, January 17th, 2010
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2:00 pm - Books.
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To remind me to stop being a lazy bum:
1. The Honeycomb - Adela Rogers St. Johns
2. The Virginian - Owen Wister
3. The Day of the Locust - Nathaniel West
4. Limbo Tower - William Lindsay Gresham
5. Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye - Horace McCoy
6. I Should Have Stayed Home - Horace McCoy
7. Bobbed Hair and Bathtub Gin - Marion Meade
8. Rendezvous in Black - Cornell Woolrich
9. Suite Francaise - Irene Nemirovsky
10. The Light Years - Elizabeth Jane Howard
11. Auntie Mamie - Patrick Dennis
12. Lulu in Hollywood - Louise Brooks
13. Birdman - Mo Hayder
14. The Case of the Runaway Corpse - Erle Stanley Gardner
15. Here Lies - Dorothy Parker
16. The Killer Inside Me - Jim Thompson
17. The Talented Mr. Ripley - Patricia Highsmith
18. Pick-Up - Charles Willeford
19. Down There - David Goodis
20. The Real Cool Killers - Chester Himes
21. The Postman Always Rings Twice - James Cain
22. All the Pretty Horses - Cormac McCarthy
23. Farewell, My Lovely - Raymond Chandler
24. Monster Midway - William Lindsay Gresham
25. Dark Passage - David Goodis
26. Black Betty - Walter Mosley
27. Skin Tight - Carl Hiaasen
28. The Hand in the Glove - Rex Stout
29. Short Cuts - Raymond Carver
30. Looking Backward - Edward Bellamy
31. Wild Child: Girlhoods in the Counterculture - Chelsea Cain
32. What Makes Sammy Run? - Budd Schulberg
33. Where I'm Calling From - Raymond Carver
34. Atonement - Ian McEwan
35. Beautiful Boy - David Sheff
36. Tweak - Nic Sheff
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| Monday, July 6th, 2009
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10:49 am - Good stuff.
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Santa Monica Beach
Being laid off has given me time to rediscover both myself and the joy of being alive. Work and winter weather had me feeling a bit suicidal, but a lot of good things and sunshine have been happening lately, and I've been regaining that good-to-be-alive mindset.
My brother came out to visit from Colorado this weekend. We had an eating extravaganza to rival no other. I've eaten out for every meal since dinner on Thursday. I'm ready to eat at home for the rest of the week now for sure! The best thing I had was a veggie sausage from Wurstkurche in downtown LA. It was an apple, potato, and sage fake-meat sausage, and was downright delicious. I shoulda taken a picture. I will next time I eat there!
Saturday we went to the ska-rockabilly-punk-country music fest that is Hootenanny. I learned that Reverend Horton Heat = mosh pit. I got mildly sunburned. I really enjoyed the band 3 Bad Jacks.
Then yesterday we went to the New Beverly Cinema (a revival movie house) to watch Platoon on the big screen. That film is one of my favorite Vietnam war films.
And now it's Monday, and I have a few days to rest up before I head to the mountains for a week on Thursday. Whoo!
One of my roommates was laid off a week after I was. She told me the other day that she only has enough money to pay for July and August rent, and unless she works some between now and September, she won't be able to pay September rent. Life change has been accelerated! I'm tired of sharing one bathroom between three people. I cannot count how many times I've had to go to the bathroom while one of my roommates was in the bathroom for ~45 minutes (This morning my brother had to go to the bathroom before going to the airport, but my roommate was in the shower, so we went to the store to use the store's bathroom. Sigh.). I like my roommates, but change is good. And I'm moving in with Hector! Whoo! I can't wait to decorate and to be able to kick someone out of the shower when I need to go to the bathroom, haha. And I get to see his lovely mug more often too. : )
I've loaded up some film on my old SLR camera and plan on shootin' it up today. Pictures forthcoming!
I want to make ravioli.
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| Thursday, July 2nd, 2009
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12:29 pm - That's it. ENOUGH!
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OMG CSUN WTF!!!!
Oh man, I have to apologize for that internet outburst there. I have just about had it (and caps feel necessary). I just called the history department to check on my application status (two weeks ago my online status changed from "Application Received" to "Application Department Review", just as the Admissions dept. lady told me it would once they processed my transcript). Well, lo and behold, I call the History dept. only to be told THEY DON'T HAVE MY TRANSCRIPT FROM ADMISSIONS AFTER ALL. So I spent two weeks being deceived into thinking they'd processed my transcript, when I really should've been calling them multiple times to bug them (again). I cut off the history dept person who started to tell me to call Admissions, and told her my tale of already pestering Admissions for forever and a day. She then told me she'd call the Admissions dept. herself to see what was up (which was MUCH APPRECIATED).
Of course the Admissions person is at lunch. And when she gets back the history dept. person will be at lunch. But I was told I'd get a call back later this afternoon once everyone was done taking their various lunches. Let's slather inefficiency on inefficiency, hooray! I AM GOING TO GO POSTAL. breathebreathebreathebreathebreathebreathebreathe
On a happier note, I had a very excellent time with Alla and her roommates last night - food at Swingers and drinking beer on the beach in Santa Monica, followed by a stroll down the pier. Very nice, reminds me of why I enjoy existing (a reminder I sorely needed).
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| Friday, June 26th, 2009
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4:41 pm - Stuff.
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This photo on the vintagephoto livejournal community makes me feel all shades of happy. : ) I want to twirl around in a dress and listen to records.
I now weigh what I did when I applied for my driver's permit license when I was 15. Whoo! It is such a silly, petty thing, but I feel pretty psyched to be 20 pounds less than I was when I came back from England.
It's nice to have time to go to the gym for an hour a couple times a week. Otherwise the whole lots-of-time-on-my-hands thing is kinda tough. I've been looking at jobs, and checking my CSUN application status 2x per day. Everyone blindly assures me there is no reason CSUN won't officially accept me, though the whole budget crisis has me thinking that my odds have nothing to do with my ability/academic record, and EVERYTHING to do with a lack of money (both with the state lacking funds, and me lacking funds to pay for a masters at anything other than a financially strapped CSU). If only I had enough money to buy my way into an MA. I suppose not having money makes life more of a challenge.
If CSUN doesn't work out I'd like to work at a non-profit or government agency for the time being. I also might substitute teach for awhile, for the teaching experience, decent pay, and nice work times. I don't think I can sit in an office for 40 hours a week doing next to nothing for another year. I need to do something more useful.
I get to go to San Diego this weekend since Hector's old roommate is moving to Vietnam for a year and having a going away party. Very exciting to go somewhere outside of LA! I've also got my brother's visit on the horizon, Jess' arrival in town, and then the drive to the mountains for a week of avoiding civilization. It's been 4 years overdue to visit Kate's mountain place, and it's luckily the most economical vacation of all - no housing or food to pay for! Good times ahead, in many shapes and forms. If only I could do more this summer!
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| Monday, June 22nd, 2009
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11:04 pm - Who wears short shorts, na na na na na.
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I am in love with the girl in the bottom photobooth photo. She has such a wonderful self-satisfied smile-smirk. The little boy in the cowboy hat is pretty cute too.
Arrrrrgh, headache. I can't wait for my life to come together. I am seriously a crazy person masquerading as a normal person in day to day life.
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| Friday, June 19th, 2009
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6:45 pm - Pop champagne. Yeehaw.
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I got a bottle of champagne for Christmas from my old boss (who left back in April, way before I was laid off). At first I was saving it for USC, but then I got rejected. Then I was saving it for CSUN, but then they take forever making simple decisions. Then I thought maybe I'd open it for when I left work; then I was laid off.
Today I decided I was tired of waiting on other people to make decisions of celebration for me. I opened that sucker today, and I'm drinking it right now. It's a 20 dollar bottle, which is about 15 dollars more than I usually spend, so yipee-eye-yo-ki-yay. I've decided I'm celebrating my existance. That's all.
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| Thursday, June 18th, 2009
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11:46 pm - Some photos from my Mom's side of the family.
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My Mom, her brother, her younger sister, and her dad.
Random relative or friend of the family looking stylin'.
I don't know who these people are, but I like this photo.
This is a page from my Grandpa's photo scrapbook. I think the lady on the far right middle picture looks like Maggie Gyllanhall. My Grandpa is in the lower right corner picture (he's the sailor on the left).
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5:57 pm - Better.
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Blackberry cupcakes with blackberry/raspberry cream cheese frosting.
I'm feeling better today.
Yesterday afternoon/evening I made blackberry cupcakes with blackberry/raspberry frosting. I sort of winged it as I didn't have all the ingredients required (no milk, not enough butter). The blackberries also weren't the best of berries (which is why I wanted to do something with them other than just eat them straight up).
I pureed the blackberries (by straining them through a sieve) for use in both the batter and the frosting. They came out waaaaay too moist. I bake pretty frequently, though I usually bake vegan recipes, so I was a little unsure how things should work with the butter and eggs in terms of mixing and texture. They weren't terrible, but they could be improved. The frosting was cream cheese based and very tangy (from both the berries and the cream cheese). Lots of room for improvement in general.
After I go to the gym I think I'm going to make Cinnamon Chocolate Cookies from Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything Vegetarian. I have all the ingredients this time (I think....) so maybe I'll have more luck with these guys.
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| Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
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9:50 pm - Usually I'm just crazy on my livejournal, but I think I'm losing it in real daily life now too.
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Pizza with onions, red peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes, and basil: delicious comfort food and entirely unrelated to this entry
I am quietly shitting my pants over the prospect that I may actually run out of money and will have to move to my parents' out of necessity. To calm my increasing sense of panic I made a little word chart of interests to try to help hone my job search:
History
-research
-preservation
-legislation
-grant writing
Education
-literacy
-outreach (to underserved groups)
-access
-writing evulations/editing
Community/Neighborhood Revitalization
-awareness of value
-self-respect, respect of environment
-positive image/PR
-safety programs/crime issues
-homelessness
-history/background
Media
-social networking trends
-blog writing
-copywriting/editing
Sometimes I just feel like there is something in "me" that is missing, you know? I've always done pretty good at everything I've worked at, I've been industrious and ambitious and motivated. I always feel like I fall short of what I reach for though. I tell myself I make lots of plans, so then at least some of the plans will work out and I'll feel like I accomplished something, even if I never really got to THE PLACE I wanted to be at. Perhaps my whole problem is with the idea that there is THE PLACE. Things start to look good, but then others say no and plans don't work out and all I'm left is the feeling that I'm good enough to be eligible for such plans, good enough to be respectfully considered, but never GOOD ENOUGH to actually get those things I plan and try for.
My application went on to the history department at CSUN for review (finally!). And now I am trying not to be outwardly as terrified of rejection as I am on my insides. This feels like my last try, and if this doesn't work out, I just don't know if I can be an adult. I am going to try until I run out of money. But running out of money is a very real possibility and I can't do the whole dead-end-job to make rent thing again. I know this is how millions of people live, I have no illusions of privilege, but working in such a way gives me troubles with my existance.
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| Friday, June 12th, 2009
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7:54 pm - Now I'm gold.
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Albertson's wants to make sure that you understand they have price cuts.
I want cheesecake, but in lieu of going out and buying cheesecake, and in the spirit of my grocery store endurance test (aka, how long can I go before I *need* to go to the grocery store? how much of my already purchased food can I creatively use? This is my mission.), I'm going to make a chocolate loaf cake. I'm not sure from what recipe, but I'm thinking of adapting a low-fat chocolate coffee bundt cake recipe from Veganomicon and making it into a loaf cake instead. The apartment is all mine at the moment, so I'll probably blast some old timey jazz tunes and heat up the kitchen with my loaf (haha, is it just me or does that last bit sound kind of dirty?)
I think I am finally adjusting to the fact that I was laid off. I wasn't very upset about it on Monday - the facts of my laying off were simple and clear: it had nothing to do with my work performance, everything to do with them deciding to cut costs by not having a permanent receptionist, I was given severance pay, I have never really liked the job, and it was my plan to leave the last week in July, so they just shifted my plans up by 1.5 months. None of those is any bit terrible, really. So in a factual way I was fine, and it wasn't until Tuesday night that the shock of the lay off finally hit me (It went by fast on Monday morning: Time from when I was informed I was being laid off to when I was exiting the building's parking lot was something like 15 to 20 mins.) When I was sad on Tuesday I was 99% sad due to the realization that I was never going to see the coworkers again that I actually liked, and unlike people who leave of their own accord or with advanced notice, I wasn't given any sort of goodbye/sense of closure. Though I dropped off my I-won't-sue form on Wednesday and did get a little closure from that at least.
Ever since Wednesday I've also been ridiculously busy. I'm so exhausted and so glad to relax right now. Wednesday afternoon Kate came over and we talktalktalked for hours, watched the movie Easy Virtue (way better than the trailer made it look - and I completely lust after the delicious 1930s clothes, sigh), and then went to bed at midnight. I got up early and left the house at 7am to get down to Hollywood to go to a symposium on Digital Motion Picture Metadata Archiving put on by the Academy/Oscars folks. Some presenters were very interesting, while others were a little less so, but it was very much worth going to. That was all day yesterday, and I got back home in the evening. I was suppose to go out to a graduation dinner, but I was supersuper tired (I felt bad, but in lieu of being a present-at-the-party party pooper/downer I told her I would take her out for dinner when she gets back from her trip to Texas). I decided not to stay out to the wee hours since I had to get up early again this morning to leave the house at 7am to get down to Laguna Niguel by 8am. I ended up a little late and got there about 8:20, yikes, I felt bad for being late. I spent the better part of the day sifting through old photographs and Labor Board documents to research New Deal programs in LA for the context for the SurveyLA volunteer project I'm working on. The afternoon drive back up the 405 to Culver City was murder and almost took 2 hours.
Tomorrow I have to get up early (again!) for Reading to Kids in downtown LA. And then Sunday afternoon I'm going to an LA Conservancy annual meeting downtown in a historic bank building (and thank goodness that one's not another leave the house at 7am meeting). I may whine about all these leave the house so early mornings, but I am truthfully very happy to be so busy for the second half of the week. And for the most part it is all because of things I couldn't have done if I hadn't been laid off! So there is the silver lining. It is very silvery, as I almost feel like some kind of historian person, what with going to an archiving symposium and driving down to the NARA archives. Ahhhhh, it feels good. Now just to figure out how to get paid while doing this stuff.
Now for the not-so-fun figure out my job situation thing. I'll figure something out. In the meantime my brother is coming out for 4th of July, I'm going to the mountains for the week after, and I'm probably moving in the fall! Eeeee, exciting!
Also, now that I have no need for demure office receptionist decency I've readopted my beloved red lipstick! Swell! And how.
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| Thursday, June 11th, 2009
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7:08 pm - I'm tired.
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Turn in "I won't sue you form"->lunch in El Segundo->Kate visiting->movie->night->leave about 7am to go to Hollywood for Digital Motion Picture Metadata Symposium->arrive home 6:15ish->die->resurrect self to go sit in restaurant for graduation dinner (not eating dinner)->sleep/die->wake up at ungodly hour->drive to LAGUNA NIGUEL?!?!?! to arrive by 8am->researchy NARA New Deal stuff->come home and die again->Reading to Kids in downtown LA at 8:30am->die->La Conservancy annual meeting->die->Monday/week of weekdays without a job! Yay, relax.
I need another chocolate donut shoved in my face.
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| Tuesday, June 9th, 2009
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6:00 pm - Ticktickticktick.
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unemployment = free afternoon(/morning/early evening)
free afternoon + semi-vegetarianism = chickpea cutlets! (From Veganomicon, and twice as successful as last year's attempt. I don't have a photo of my endeavor, though there are millions on flickr.)
+ Nathaniel West (finally!), some Margaret Atwood, a dash of Mosley, and a book called something like "Spanish the Easy Way"
Next on my list is some feminist literature, but I haven't figured out where to start yet.
Also on my list: find things more exciting in life than internet and it's treasure trove of goodies like: Goths in Hot Weather.
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| Monday, June 8th, 2009
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6:12 pm - Adieu.
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I had an amaaaaazing Art Potluck evening yesterday, which I'll detail in further detail at a future point.
Then today I was made freeeeee when work laid me off. Severance and unemployment here I come! If only they'd waited a month longer, it would've worked out perfect with my whole school/budget plan. As that is not the case I have to rework my plans, but shrug. Not too terrible. Mostly when I left this morning I felt relieved, for being let go from a dead-end monotonous job that I didn't really want in the first place. I would've left it earlier, but I couldn't because I needed the money and the benefits. Now that life has pushed me out the door, I'll see where I land next.
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| Friday, June 5th, 2009
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4:15 pm - Whoooooo.
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I've been posting too much, but EEEEEEEE I'm excited! I finally heard back from the SurveyLA folks about volunteering. The e-mail asked if I'd be interested in working with one of the project's writers to do research (and possibly write) on the New Deal Program in LA. That's the 1930s! The Depression! My decade! Yaaaaaay. OMG I can't wait to research (and possibly write!?). Ahhhh. It's a volunteer project, not a work project, but this is the kind of thing I stay alive for, so I'm still thrilled. :D!
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10:58 am - Good things.
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Road to Grandma's, Marietta, Oklahoma
Yesterday after work I battled rush hour traffic to drive from Century City to the downtown convention center to pick up Hector from E3. Driving in the direction of downtown at rush hour makes me want to cry (it took me like 1.5 hours of painful stop and go). But afterwards we went to Gloria's and I had delicous pupusas and sangria and chips and salsa, and the world was instantly a better place.
I watched Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell the other day. I wanted to see it, but I didn't expect too much, so I was pleasanty surprised and left the theater with that excited electric feeling that I get on my insides after watching a delicious film. Food and good movies - these are the things life should be full of.
I feel so cheerful even though it is raining outside and LA has been full of June Gloom since I got back to California last Sunday. I'm excited about the weekend, I'm excited about the future, and I'm excited about life (yay, no more winter blues).
Hootenanny and my brother visiting in July! And then August! Three weeks of August freedom. I'm going up into the mountains for a few days, going to Chicago, and who knows where else. Anywhere my budget allows I guess, haha. Maybe I'll drive to New Mexico? I just need to get through the near future and try not to panic too much about the thought that I am sentencing myself to unemployment and potential poverty.
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| Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
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2:26 pm - Delusions.
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I love Los Angeles, I really do. I don't in the slightest bit regret moving down here, and I'm excited about spending more time here. But. I always have ideas floating around. I've noticed big scholarship packages for some film archival programs in England. ENGLAND. That placed I lived for a few months. One is at the University of East Anglia (Essex's rival? I think?). Oh man, whatifwhatif? For now it is only something in the back of my mind. But I giggle at the thought of moving back to England for a stint.
Places I am interested in living:
Washington DC metro area
Austin, TX
Denver, CO
Places I am interested in visiting (that I haven't yet been to):
Chicago
Philadelphia
Alaska
anywhere deep in the south
New York
Boston
Maine
Brazil
Chile
Argentina
Peru
Canada
Mexico
Northern Ireland
Wales
Norway
Spain
Serbia
Czech Republic
Hungary
Ukraine
Russia
Greece
Morocco
Egypt
South Africa
Japan
Australia
New Zealand
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9:24 am - Cleaning and Flying.
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Central, Pacific, and Mountain
I cleaned out my closet Monday and came up with 2-ish bags of clothes to donate/get rid of. I discovered I had about 35 pairs of jeans (including shorts/capris). : O ?!?!?! Wow. After the cleanout the number was nearly halved.
I have some books to read that I'm going to get rid of in the near future too - as soon as my brain tackles those pages.
I want to buy organizer type things (especially for the mountain of shoes that lives at the bottom of my closet), but I hesistate because I'll probably be moving within the next year (+money guilt). Though I'm thinking I'll throw caution to the wind and buy them anyway. I've been living all year in my room as if I were going to leave it any week - I think it's time to rearrange it and finally put more stuff up on the walls.
Am I happy? Yes, yes I am. And once I can be employeed in a position I actually like I will be deliriously so. I suppose being stuck in a receptionist rut keeps me grounded, hah. Time to fly!
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| Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
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10:45 am - Light blue colored ballpoint pen.
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Rather than shoo away an office supply company salesman on the phone yesterday, I yeah-sure-okayed him for 5 minutes and told him it was fine if he stopped by to drop off a catalog the next morning, thus prolonging a need to battle salesmanese talk in the immediate present.
Well, he showed up today, as promised, and was very salesmanlike. I felt compelled to use hand sanitizer after he left (we shook hands twice). As a bonus, he left two reams of paper and a light blue colored ballpoint pen. I wonder if he carries around a box of multicolored Pentel R.S.V.P. pens and decides what color to give perspective clients based on their voice, or the way they look when he sees them face to face. Probably not.
Mostly what I was thinking about as he talked to me and repeatedly reached into his bag for an assortment of leaflets and catalog books, was how much I wanted to write a story about him. The awkward slimey middle age man; a sympathetic portrait. There is something magnetic to me (in a look-but-don't-touch/zoo animal way) about middle aged male characters draped in shades of listless pathetic emptiness. I know nothing about the salesman (disclaimer: he is probably deliriously happy with his life, or at the very least content), but there was something about his aura that just made me want to pen down a tale of desperation for a middle aged salesman down on his luck. It couldn't be a young person, an old person, or a female. It would have to be someone like the images conjured to mind from the presence of the office supply company salesman. The image has a real name, but I will call him Eugene. Eugene Montana - fated by name to be an adventurer, but casted by life as a mild mannered salesman. He has nothing to lose but life.
In a way, he is far more interesting than any celebrity that has walked through work's doors.
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| Monday, June 1st, 2009
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3:42 pm - Folks.
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My Mom, my great grandpa, and my Mom's cousin.
Post-vacation I'm feeling generally less stressed. CSUN (as confirmed by a lunch time phone call I made) continues to hold my transcript hostage for the 10th week, thus the saga of what-in-the-world-am-I-going-to-do with my 2009-2010 life remains a mystery.
My Art Potluck is next week! I've invited friends to a potluck involving their own artwork instead of food dishes. I'm trying to settle on some hors d'oeuvres types (I have a few ideas). Then I'll probably just buy a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of gin and call it good. I also have a collaborative art project for people to do at the party - just need to pick up some posterboard. Should be good times.
Life, despite it's uncertainties, is generally looking pretty good. I might be going to Chicago in August! Or Canada?! (the French-Canadian part, oo la la) Only my future self knows the answer to that. I just need to keep financial and dietary anxieties in check (They go hand in hand - nothing makes me feel guiltier than multiple trips to the grocery store in one week, or a week of weak willed grocery splurging. I have to pay rent, I have to pay car insurance, loan repayments, and utility bills - I have to eat too, though I feel like I have greater control over the price and quantity of what I eat than I do the other needs in life (i.e. rent and car insurance will always be a rip off in Los Angeles, but I can live off of cheap rice and beans))
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| Sunday, May 31st, 2009
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7:36 am - Facelift.
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New Mission: Make this journal more cheerful and less whiny. I think it just might be possible. To start, here is a an adorable picture of my youngest cousin Manya:
And a funny bathroom sign at a gas station in Kansas:
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historicmouse's journal
